The Ultimate Holiday Gift: Nurture your marriage this holiday season
Posted: Thursday, December 10, 2009
by Richard Nicastro
http://www.StrengthenYourRelationship.com
If it's the season to be jolly…
…then why am I seeing so many stressed, beleaguered couples walking around? Is it more accurate to say, 'Tis the season to feel tense, frustrated and constantly on the go?' Whether you're feeling totally overwhelmed or slightly frustrated, it's easy to lose perspective about what's most important and valuable to you during this holiday season--your marriage or relationship.
You might think that plasma TV you're getting ready to buy is the perfect way to celebrate your relationship, but -- no matter how crisp and clear the picture is -- it won't strengthen your union or bring you and your partner long-lasting fulfillment.
The gift of you--your marriage, your relationship
Okay, so you've exchanged the gifts that you and your partner have been hinting at for the last six weeks. You expressed gratitude (or, if the gift missed the mark, confusion), said "I love you," and cleaned up the wrapping paper. Does your idea of giving end at this point? Does exchanging material gifts feel like a complete celebration of love and your relationship?
The gift and power of appreciation
Developing non-material rituals to express your love and appreciation is a powerful way to celebrate your relationship throughout the holiday season (and throughout the year). How you express your gratitude for your partner should be a reflection of his/her uniqueness and the meaning s/he holds for you. Be thoughtful and creative.
One couple I worked with developed an "appreciation ritual." Each wrote on an index card one thing they loved about the other. As a holiday gift they committed to exchanging a card per week for an entire year.
They had to think of fifty-two ways to communicate love, admiration and respect for one another. This gift had the benefit of nurturing intimacy throughout the year-this exercise had a dramatic, positive impact on their relationship.
Research shows that regularly communicating appreciation and gratitude (even when your relationship is going through a difficult period) can strengthen your relationship and deepen the emotional bond that's so vital to lasting love.
Action Step:
Here's a question that will help you put your marriage/relationship above all material items. Ask yourself this question throughout the holiday season, and share it with your partner:
"In this time of giving, how can I create lasting opportunities to express my appreciation of my spouse/ partner and the union that we've created?"
When you're busy crossing off items on your shopping list, go back to that question and give it (and therefore your relationship) the attention it deserves.
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Rich Nicastro, Ph.D. is a psychologist and relationship coach with over fifteen years experience helping individuals and couples built stronger, more fulfilling relationships.
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